By now we should be 14 days into the 30 Day Challenge…it’s a bit tiring and overwhelming right! Who thought being consistent and sticking with your goals would be so difficult! However, if you’re at a place where you’ve messed up, off track, made mistakes, or feeling like quitting, I want you to know that’s a great place to learn, but not a great place to stay.
If you’ve messed up don’t stay there and beat yourself up!
In my previous post about what to do before you quit on your goals, I mention that if you feel like quitting it doesn’t make you a loser, it just makes you human. However, what many of us will do is be too hard on ourselves because we haven’t hit the mark, and just can’t seem to get it right (I’ve done it). What this does when you stay in that place is:
It lowers your Self-Esteem and Self-Image. When you constantly replay in your mind that you’ve messed up then you begin to feed to yourself that you’re not good enough. You’re wasting your time on this goal because you’ll never achieve it. This not only affects your self-confidence in achieving your goals, but then starts to spill over into other areas of your life
You become discouraged from attempting other goals. Once your self-esteem and self-image is broken, the fear of attempting other goals starts to develop. You no longer want to try anything else because your first thought is to avoid the pain and disappointment you felt when you tried the last goal
It creates an endless loop that keeps you stuck. With feelings of worthlessness, and the fear of trying anything new, you then get to a place where your life gets stuck in a rut. This causes you to become comfortable with living in mediocrity. You convince yourself that the pain of your current situation (though VERY uncomfortable) is not as bad as the pain of simply trying again. This is such a dangerous place to be and is a place unfortunately many people accept as okay and settle, living in quiet desperation. BE CAREFUL NOT TO FALL INTO THIS TRAP!
In my own life I’ve fallen into these traps many times, which is how I know how much this can be devastating, chips away your self-confidence, and affects you in moving forward with your goals. There have been many times I had a goal, was excited about it, then rushed through the gates like the winning horse hell bent on getting it done this time (another ‘this time’ moment right?). Only to fall flat on my face a few weeks later because I couldn’t stick with it. Then beating myself up that I keep messing up, and how much of a bum I was for doing so (Yeah! What a big help that was!).
Just recently I messed up!
Since June 2016 I had been very consistent with my workout and spiritual routines, missing no more than 5 days out of any month (sometimes no days at all). When it was close to launching 5 Years 2 Mastery the website started giving all sorts of headaches that I hadn’t anticipated. The images weren’t positioning right on the site, the text colour and font kept acting up, not to mention customer support which was pretty much no help. I had to go back in time almost 15 years ago to when I had learned a bit of web design (luckily this was one of the few classes I actually paid attention in). There was even a point I seriously considered just giving up on 5Y2M. It seemed the closer I got to launch, the more the site was acting up. There are a lot more issues even to this day that I won’t even get into. Anyway, for all of December and January, because I’ve been so focused on getting everything on the site to work seamlessly I radically fell off both my workout routine and spiritual journey.
I moved from a Consistency Percentage Rate of 83% in November to 36% in December, which really is frustrating for me (I don’t even want to look at January’s numbers right now).
However, the good thing about it is that I’m aware that I’m slipping back into bad habits, and even though I may have messed up by missing a few weeks of consistency, I know what to do, and have started the process of getting back into consistency and form. I’m using the Best Year Ever 30 Day Challenge I put out to everyone as a challenge to myself to help me.
As the saying goes ‘If you know better you do better’…and so I am.
I wasn’t afraid to get on camera and admit either to the world that I had messed up…
Okay that’s a complete and utter lie. I was TERRIFIED! It took me 5 hours deliberating with myself whether I should do it or not. Suddenly the fear what others may say or think came rushing in faster than I could even blink (and those of you who know me know I blink a lot). I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put myself in that vulnerable place of admitting to the world that I had messed up, and how bad it would make me look (if you can relate raise your hand). Fortunately, over the years I have trained my mind to use my fears as a trigger to move me into action, rather than paralyze me. So eventually I made the decision to just do it.
I’ll post the video at the end of the article for you to watch (you can tell me if I looked terrified).
Though it did provide transparency to let everyone know that even the guy who’s teaching you how to be consistent messes up and is inconsistent at times, it also served a purpose. It let everyone out there know that no one is perfect, and it’s okay to mess up from time to time. The important thing is to recommit and go again. If you mess up again…recommit…go again…and again…and again, and you keep going again until you get there. You only lose if you give up, not if you mess up.
What’s so great about messing up sticking with your goals?
Before I get into it I want to let you know again IT’S OKAY TO MESS UP. Remember this is a journey of achievement, not an overnight success story of zero to hero in one go. With that said. It’s great because:
It helps you to learn and improve. One of the quotes that has always spoken to me is “Every master was once a disaster”. Throughout my process of learning how to be consistent I messed up and started over too many times to count, but each time I did I asked myself “Why was I inconsistent this time?” “What was happening that caused me to be inconsistent?” Then through learning I could now put things in place, and prepare my mind mentally to ensure I minimized inconsistency in the hopes of eventually removing it completely from that area of my life. For example I identified exactly the reason I was inconsistent in exercising. Since I was inconsistent before and also consistent, I looked back on both occasions and realized that the moments I was consistent I was more disciplined scheduling my day, and dedicating set times to certain activities throughout the day. However, in this instance I allowed the website to take up majority of my time and focus. So now that I know what the problem is I can put things in place to fix it. So in this instance messing up helped me to learn something new I can now use to improve and grow from
It gives you a sense of greater inner strength. I can remember many times messing up, but also the times when I made a commitment to get back on track and stayed on track. When you do this it helps to build your self-esteem and self-image. When you know you failed, but didn’t give up, and pushed through the next time, even though you haven’t accomplished your goal as yet, it still fills you with a feeling of pride and satisfaction. Reason being is now you begin to prove to yourself that you’re a winner not a loser, and that you have what it takes to go all the way…talk about a major confidence boost!
It creates your own story of success (yay You!) Being inconsistent, messing up, and figuring out why, and what works, then getting back on track creates your own story of success. Think about a very successful person you admire, chances are you admire them not because of their success, but because of their story of how they got there. As a matter of fact I believe many times the story of the journey is much more inspirational than the actual success. Imagine if you can stay on course, accomplish your goals, and someday be an inspiration to others. Imagine if someone came up to you one day and said “Because of you I didn’t quit”…wouldn’t that make you feel absolutely AMAZING!
Getting Back Up
Now that we’ve talked about messing up, let’s get into getting back up. I love mistakes and failing (I really do!), because there’s always a lesson to be learned, and with every lesson comes a new level of insight, which leads to a new level of mastery!
I used to hate it though. Reason is because of the Beliefs I held about messing up, failing, and making mistakes. Before I thought that these things meant I was a failure and not good enough, and maybe you’ve thought the same as well. What you need to do is change your Belief, or more specifically your perspective on what messing up means.
Here’s an approach to help you:
Change your Belief and perspective about what messing up means
Assuming that you’re aware that you’ve messed up, the first step is acknowledge that you’ve messed up. This may not seem like a big deal, but most of us have a pretty hard time admitting to ourselves when we’ve done wrong. However, if you are serious about moving forward then you can’t be in denial that you’ve messed up. Be honest with yourself about it, but at the same time don’t beat yourself up for it
The next step is to interrupt the negative Belief you have. More than likely there will be a little voice on the inside telling you how worthless you are just because you made a mistake or messed up. What you need to do is counter that voice with your own affirming statements about who you are (or want to become). Say to yourself “I know I messed up, I can be honest about it, BUT messing up doesn’t mean I’m a failure or worthless, it just means I’m human because everyone messes up sometimes. I can learn from my mistakes, I can grow, and eventually I will become a better version of me, who is stronger and wiser than ever before!”. Repeat this statement (or one of your choosing), as often as is needed until you feel a sense of calm come over you, and you no longer feel anxious or sad because you messed up. If you choose to come up with your own statement there are two things to keep in mind: 1). You MUST acknowledge to yourself verbally that you’ve messed up, and 2). You must include the word ‘BUT’ as a counter to the negative thoughts, with your own positive affirming ones after the ‘but’
Take one small simple action step towards your goal, and celebrate and congratulate yourself for doing so in second person. Meaning say something like “Hey [insert your name] you are just awesome! You actually didn’t allow messing up to stop you from getting back up and pursuing your goal again! You truly are an amazing person you know that!” It doesn’t matter how small the action step is, the magnitude of the step is irrelevant, the important part is actually to take a step, any step, and then celebrating and congratulating yourself after for doing so. The step itself is simply a declaration, through your actions, that though you messed up, you won’t let it stop you from getting back up. That you are becoming that better person
Be consistent doing this as often as possible. Do it in the mornings when you wake up and before bed at nights. Do it when you feel that little negative voice coming at you each time. The key is doing it often enough for long enough until it reconditions your subconscious mind to accept failing as a part of the process, a journey, and it doesn’t make you a loser, only human. Then soon you will actually see messing up as not only a good thing, but a GREAT thing. A thing to embrace
So my dearest friend just remember, this is a journey, and on journeys you will get off course A LOT. Kinda like when you’re traveling to somewhere new for the first time and you keep getting lost. It’s the same with sticking to your goals. The important thing is not to stay off course or beat yourself up because you messed up, but simply to get up and get back on track.
Next Action Step?
Write down your own affirming statement that you will use to counter the negative thoughts and voice in your head telling you that you’re no good
Go through the process outlined above about changing your perspective on what it means to mess up
Do it right now and do it until you feel that sense of calm, repeat your affirming statement 50 times if necessary, but do it now
Take your small action step, then celebrate and congratulate yourself for doing so
Write down what you learned from this experience of messing up and how you can use it to grow and improve…then USE IT!
Even though you may have missed a day or days (or even weeks) the important thing is to recommit, get back on track, and make a decision to no longer miss any days (you can tell I’m stressing this point right). The best way to do this is to get back into action ASAP (whether the same day before going to bed or early the next morning). Then make a verbal, out loud, so you can hear your own voice commitment to yourself that “I will never miss a day [whatever the routine or activity is]”. For example “I will never miss a day exercising!” There is some psychology behind this, but let’s say in its simplest sense it’s a declaration to yourself of what your new Standard & Expectation will be, and what you will no longer tolerate or settle for. Don’t delay and don’t wait, because the longer you do then the more difficult it will seem, and the less likely it is that you will want to get back into action.
As promised here’s the video
To your success my friend!
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